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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963541">Who We Are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/on_mars/pseuds/on_mars'>on_mars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, I Tried, Idiots in Love, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, idk it's just cute i guess, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:15:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/on_mars/pseuds/on_mars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>FIve times Buck's family confronts him with his feelings for Eddie and one time where he actually acts on them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>377</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Who We Are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First buddie fic cause I'm currently watching 911 (still at season 3) and i'm already loving these two</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time it happens, Buck is caught off guard.</p><p>They all decided to gather in Athena and Bobby’s house for Michael’s birthday. It’s nothing premeditated. It just happens like that in the middle of a completely normal and mundane conversation. He’s sitting at the table, Hen by his side, sweeping the room with his eyes.</p><p>There’s Athena sitting at the other side of the table, engaged in what seems to be a very passionate conversation with Harry and May. Buck can only hear bits of it here and there but not enough to understand what it’s all about but from the way Athena’s mouth turns up at the edges, it’s probably something amusing.</p><p>There’s Chimney and Maddie laughing and singing a song Buck doesn’t remember the name of, and Buck’s heart flutter to see his sister so open and happy. After what she’s been through, god only knows how much she deserves it.</p><p>There’s Bobby and Michael talking in hushed voices in the corner of the room, a beer in their hands, there’s Christopher and Denny sitting on the floor and playing a board-game on the carpet and then there’s Eddie, watching them with a fond smile on his face. Without properly realizing it, Buck’s eyes stare at him a bit more longer than necessary and it’s only when he hears the small laughter of Hen by his side that Buck comes out of his daydream.</p><p>“Sorry what?” He asks with an apologetic smile.</p><p>“I just said. We may be lesbians but you only need a good pair of functioning eyes to know that Eddie’s not going to stay single forever.”</p><p>
  <span>Buck </span>
  <span>frowns but shrugs his shoulders. “</span>
  <span>Well yeah I guess he’s pretty cute.” He says after a few seconds, not really understanding how they could have gone from discussing Denny’s experience in fifth grade to </span>
  <span>acknowledging the undeniable fact that his best-friend – and Buck says that in all honesty – is quite handsome.</span>
</p><p>When Hen and Karen huff out a laugh at the same time, Buck has the unpleasant feeling to have been left out on a joke.</p><p>“So?” Hen asks and Buck lets out a nervous laugh.</p><p>“So what?” He answers in an amused tone. “I really don’t follow.”</p><p>“When are you going to ask him out?” Karen asks and Buck opens his eyes wide.</p><p>“What?” He says, and marks a pause. “What do you mean when am I going to- why would I ask him out?”</p><p>“Well maybe because you like him.”</p><p>“I don’t-” But she answers in a tone that seems so self-evident Buck needs to take a few seconds to gather his thoughts. His eyes linger on Eddie’s face again and when his best-friend looks up at him to give him a warm and large smile and mouth a silent ‘you okay?’ with concerned eyes, Buck finds himself smiling back at him and nodding to reassure him. And that’s when it hits him. “Oh damn.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>“Here it is.” Hen says with a laugh.</p><p>---</p><p> </p><p><span>The second time it happens, Buck </span><span>is in denial and </span><span>all things considered,</span> <span>burying his head in the sand seems like a much safer option.</span></p><p>He’s standing next to the firetruck, his mouth dry and his throat so tight he’s not sure he can’t properly breathe. His eyes are fixed on Eddie. His best-friend is seated on the ambulance and is being checked up by Hen. It’s nothing serious, Buck knows that, but he still worries.</p><p>
  <span>There was a fire in a house downtown, the flames were already quite big and impressive when they got there but Eddie simply rushed into it without any warning when they heard the screams of a child still stuck inside. </span>
  <span>Of course Buck’s first instinct was</span>
  <span> to chase after him but Bobby wrapped his arms around his waist </span>
  <span>to stop him, and so he had to watch the fire with a lump in his throat and praying that his best-friend would come out of it in one piece. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which he did, </span>
  <span>at some point. Because it was Eddie and </span>
  <span>Eddie</span>
  <span> always seemed to extricate himself from all the worst situations. </span>
  <span>And for a few seconds </span>
  <span>after holding him tight in his arms and making sure he was okay</span>
  <span>, Buck wanted to yell, to scream at him and to beg him not to do something like that ever again but he stayed silent instead, because </span>
  <span>as much as he hated him for being so reckless,</span>
  <span> he </span>
  <span>also</span>
  <span> realized that he would have acted the exact same way if the roles were reversed. </span>
  <span>It was their job after all. How could he blame Eddie for wanting to save a little boy from a fire? He couldn’t. </span>
</p><p>“<span>You should tell him, you know.” </span><span>Chim</span><span> says while he takes a seat next to him.</span></p><p>“<span>Tell him what?” Buck asks, pretending not to know what it’s all about.</span></p><p>“<span>Tell him how you feel.” </span></p><p>“<span>It’s not like that.” Buck says, not because he’s ashamed, but because there’s so much at stake and the last thing he wants is to ruin what they already have. </span></p><p>“<span>Sure it is</span><span>.” </span><span>Chim</span><span> contradicts him with a small smile. “What are you so scared of?” </span></p><p>“<span>Chim,</span><span> no offense but it’s not as easy as it sounds, okay?” Buck says, running one of his hands through his hair, his eyes still fixed on Eddie. </span></p><p>“<span>Because it’s a guy?” </span><span>Chim</span><span> asks, confused. </span></p><p>“<span>What? No of course not, I’m- I’ve always been openly bisexual, you know th-”</span></p><p>“<span>You have?” He cuts him off and Buck looks away from Eddie to bring back his attention to </span><span>Chim</span><span>. He frowns and huffs out a laugh, incredulously. </span></p><p>“<span>You didn’t know?” </span></p><p>“<span>You never told us.” </span></p><p>“<span>Well I guess it never came up.” Buck shrugs his shoulders and his eyes are instantly drawn to Eddie once again. </span><span>His best-friend looks up at him and gives him a thumbs up. </span></p><p>“<span>You were worried about me, Buck</span><span>ley</span><span>?” Eddie says with a loud voice so Buck can hear him. It’s meant to be a light and playful remark but something more raw, meaningful and genuine is hiding behind it and Buck knows that. </span></p><p>“<span>I’m always worried about you, Diaz.” He answers and ignores the knowing look Hen sends his way. </span></p><p>“<span>The way I see it” Chim goes on “There’s always going to be something that’s gonna hold you back, but you’ll never know how it could have been like if you never try. And I don’t really know what’s going on inside your head right now </span><span>but it’s pretty obvious you like each other. So go for it, Buckaroo.” </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The third time it happens, Buck just came to terms with his feelings for his best-friend and spending time with him is now a whole other kind of torment. He finds himself questioning his every moves. All the gestures that used to come to him as naturally as breathing or getting dressed in the morning are now being the subject of a deep and constant series of questions in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is it too much? Is it enough? Was I acting that way before or is it a change too big from the way things used to be? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His head is spinning and from the way Eddie looks at him throughout the day, it’s obvious that his best-friend knows that something is going on with him. He’s probably only waiting for Buck to talk to him about it himself rather than pushing him into saying something he’s not ready for. That’s how considerate he is, and Buck hates him a bit more for it, but most importantly he loves him even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their shifts just came to an end and Buck is seated on the bench in the locker room, putting on his shoes. Eddie steps in the room with a huge smile on his face and takes a seat right next to him, so close their thighs are touching. </span>
</p><p>“<span>Wanna eat at my place on Friday?” Eddie asks. “Movie night with Christopher? He’s been harassing me about it for two weeks, </span><span>h</span><span>e misses his Buck.” </span></p><p>“<span>Sure. Anything to spend some time with my favorite Diaz.” </span></p><p>“<span>Yeah there's no way I can compete with Christopher.” Eddie says in a playful manner, and Buck huffs out a laugh. “Oh and Buck.” Eddie adds, turning around just when he’s about to leave the locker room. “Whatever it is that’s bugging you, I- well you can come to me. You know that right?” </span></p><p>“<span>Yeah I- I know.” Buck says, his eyes looking down at the floor. “Thanks Eddie.” </span></p><p>
  <span>Eddie stays motionless for a few seconds, staring at Buck and making sure that the message is passed on before waving at him one last time and stepping out of the fire station. Buck lets out a breathe he doesn’t realize he’s been holding and sighs at how foolish he must look right now.</span>
</p><p>“<span>Doing okay, Buck?” Bobby asks which makes him jump with surprise. </span></p><p>“<span>Yeah I’m fine.” Buck says, dismissing the question with a hand’s gesture. </span></p><p>“<span>You sure don’t look like it, though.” Bobby insists, taking the seat occupied by Eddie a few seconds ago. “Is it about Eddie?” </span></p><p>“<span>Not you too!” Buck rolls his eyes and sighs. “Is it common knowledge now that I’m in love with my best-friend or what?” </span></p><p>“<span>Well you’re not being very subtle, Buck.” </span></p><p>“<span>Do… Do you think he knows?” </span></p><p>“<span>Well that’s for him to answer and you to figure out.” Bobby says, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “But I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you, you two are practically already dating anyway.” </span></p><p>
  <span>Buck nearly chokes on the water he was drinking and has to cough for a good thirty seconds to regain the ability to speak. “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>“<span>Buck. You’re kind of already living together.” Bobby states. </span></p><p>
  <span>Buck scoffs but keeps his head down and his eyes adverted. “That’s- That’s just because it’s more practical. And it doesn’t prove anything Bobby, two people can live together without being involved in a romantic relationship. That’s called being roommates.” </span>
</p><p>“Okay then how about the fact y<span>ou’ve basically been raising his son with him for more than a year and a half.” </span></p><p>“<span>Well I just love his kid, Bobby.” </span></p><p>“<span>Buck you’re Christopher’s second emergency contact.” </span></p><p>“<span>Well it just makes sense!” Buck defends himself almost as if he’s in the courthouse and needs to justify his every actions. “I’m just helping him out. He’s my best-friend.”</span></p><p>“<span>Christopher called you his second dad the other day.” Bobby says and Buck raises his head so fast he feels dizzy for a second. </span></p><p>“<span>He did what now?”</span></p><p>“<span>Look I wasn’t going to mention it because Eddie was there but that’s actually when I started wondering if I needed to come to you two and give you the dating at workplace policy talk. But then I realized you two were just oblivious.” Bobby says, exasperated. </span></p><p>“<span>What- I mean how- How did that happen?” </span></p><p>“<span>It was during Michael’s birthday. Denny was talking about how a friend in his class had two dads and Christopher just stepped in saying </span><span>it was like him with you and Eddie.”</span></p><p>
  <span>Buck’s mouth slowly turns up at the edges until a full and large smile appears on his face, hearing that Christopher consider him as his second dad fills him with a sensation so big his eyes start to water. </span>
</p><p>“<span>And Buck trust me when I say that Eddie’s facial expression was not the one of a man completely repulsed by the idea. He didn’t even correct him.”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fourth time it happens, Buck is convinced his love life must be orchestrated by the universe in a scale so big he’s afraid he might never be able to flee from it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>See, Buck always prided himself to be in tune with his emotions. The way he sees it, that’s just not something optional. He has to. Especially with his job. He needs to be able to recognize them and talk about them if he wants to do it correctly. Of course sometimes it goes without saying that he needs to keep them under control and not let them have the upper hand especially when he’s in a difficult call and has to put on a brave face for the people whose lives he needs to save. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when the job’s done he needs to identify them and needs to find a healthy outlet in order to stay in shape and keep a clear head. And for the most part, he’s happy to see he’s going in the right direction, except when it comes to one particular thing that can make his head spin for hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it doesn’t help when this one particular thing – which happens to be one particular person – is always there around him all day long, and especially when this said person is standing so close to him it makes Buck lose his goddamn mind. </span>
</p><p>“<span>Smells good.” Eddie says and Buck nearly jumps when this one puts one of his hand on his waist and places his chin on his shoulder to have a better look of the chicken tortilla soup Buck is preparing with Eddie’s abuela. </span></p><p>“<span>Well it w</span><span>ill smell even better if you stay away from me and stop sniffing around, you’re gonna make me ruin this.”</span></p><p>“<span>No te preocupes.” Eddie’s abuela says. “you can’t possibly be worse than him.” </span></p><p>“<span>Oi!” Eddie exclaims and Buck huffs out a laugh. </span></p><p>“<span>Away with you.” His abuela adds and Buck places his right hand on Eddie’s cheek to make him turn around. </span></p><p>“<span>You heard your grandmother.” </span></p><p>“<span>It’s true Dad, you’re a terrible cook.” Christopher says from the </span><span>living-room </span><span>and when these few words are followed by laughter from Eddie, Buck can’t help but to wish for the domesticity of this moment to never end. But then Eddie’s abuela speaks and Buck is so taken aback he nearly spills all the spices in the soup. </span></p><p>“<span>Por el amor de Dios, c</span><span>u</span><span>á</span><span>ndo vas a invitar a mi nieto a salir?” </span></p><p>
  <span>And Buck is far from being bilingual in Spanish but he understands these words loud and clear and a loud alarm is suddenly ringing in his head and he only manages to let out a relieved sigh when he sees that Eddie is busy with Christopher in the living-room and that in all likeliness, he hasn’t heard a single word. </span>
</p><p>“<span>You’re just the right person for him and god only knows how good you are with Christopher.” She says. “A por ello!” </span></p><p>“<span>I- I’ll do it soon.” Buck says, without really believing himself but that seems to be enough for his abuela.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fifth time it happens, Buck is the one seeking comfort. Because he’s not stupid. He can see the signs. He can see every single one of them. He can see how Eddie acts around him. He can see how intimate their relationship has become. He can see the lingering glances, the soft gestures and the soft smiles. He sees them all and it would usually be enough for him to jump at the chance and ask out the other person but it’s Eddie we’re talking about this time. Eddie who lost his wife. Eddie who has a son. How is Buck supposed to fit in? What’s at stake is too important for him to get in-between them. </span>
</p><p>“<span>Buck?” Eddie asks one day when they’re sitting on the couch in the fire-station, waiting for the end of their shifts to go back home and have a movie night with Christopher. Buck’s head is spinning again and it’s only when Eddie’s hand slowly squeezes his shoulder, his fingers grazing the skin of his neck that Buck becomes aware of his surroundings. “Here you are.” Eddies says with a smile. “I lost you for a minute.”</span></p><p>“<span>Yeah I- sorry.” Buck only answers. </span></p><p>“<span>Listen I- I heard you.” Eddie says after a few seconds. “When you- Back at my grandmother’s house? I heard you.” </span><span>And Buck’s heart suddenly beats louder and louder against his chest until it’s the only thing he can feel. His whole body buzzes with a nervous energy and he wants to say something but he finds himself at a loss for words. “And I’m sorry but- I mean I know I should have probably tol-”</span></p><p>
  <span>And Buck can feel it. The rejection. He can feel it and there’s no way he’s staying there to hear the rest of Eddie’s speech. And so he does the only thing he can think of and jumps out of the couch and runs both of his hands through his hair, mumbling a few words to Eddie to let him know he needs to go and he runs down the stairs without looking back. </span>
</p><p>“<span>Buck where are you going, man? Wait!” Eddie says with a loud voice but Buck ignores him and steps in his car, driving away from the fire station. Eddie calls him a few times and Buck ignores the guilt eating away at him each time his finger hits ignore. He knows he’s being childish. He knows he should stop and turn around. Go back to the fire station and have an adult conversation about what it all means and entails but right now he can’t. And so he keeps driving without paying attention to where he’s going until his subconscious leads him to park his car near Maddie’s house. </span></p><p>
  <span>Buck huffs out a laugh. His sister has always been his go-to person when he feels bad ever since she settled in Los Angeles and this time is no different. He stays in his car for what seems like hours until he finds the courage to step out of it and knock on the door. </span>
</p><p>“<span>Maddie I’m in love with Eddie.” He blurts out as soon as she opens the door. </span></p><p>“C<span>ome in.” Maddie simply says, rolling her eyes. “</span><span>What happened?” </span><span>She asks once they’re settled on her couch. </span></p><p>“<span>I- He figured it out Mads and he- he confronted me with it and I- I ran away.” Buck admits and looks away. </span></p><p>“<span>You ran away?” Maddie repeats in a judgmental voice. </span></p><p>“<span>I panicked!” Buck defends himself. “He was going to- He was going to give me the ‘we can still be friends’ speech and I just freaked out </span><span>and ran away before he could say anything.</span><span>” </span></p><p>“<span>Evan if you ran away before he could say anything, how do you know he was going to give you that speech?” Maddie tries to reason with him but Buck only sighs in frustration and stands up, running his hands through his hair another time. </span></p><p>“<span>I could see where it was going!” Buck’s throat is so tight and his mouth so dry he takes the glass of water placed on the coffee table and drinks it in one go. “Listen I- Everyone’s been telling me to- to ask him out and tell him I love him but I just- I just can’t because there’s Christopher and- Maddie this kid means everything to him and he just lost his mom there’s no way I can- I’ll just ruin everything. I </span><span><em>ruined</em></span><span> everything.”</span></p><p>“<span>You didn’t ruin anything.’ Maddie says, still seated. “Evan, Eddie loves you.” </span></p><p>“<span>Christopher does, too.” A voice says behind them. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>+1</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck tenses. His whole body freezes at the sound of his voice and he turns around slowly, just enough for him to glance at Eddie’s shoes. His eyes are lowered to the ground and he keeps them that way, not trusting himself to look at his best-friend in the eyes at the moment. “The door was open.” Eddie says to Maddie. “I saw Buck’s car so I let myself in.” </span>
</p><p>“<span>Eddie.” Buck whispers after a few seconds. </span></p><p>“<span>Yeah.” Eddie says, softly, and Buck can picture his smile in his head. “You left in a hurry. You didn’t let me finish.”</span></p><p>“<span>You don’t have to.” Buck shrugs his shoulders, taking a seat on the couch while Maddie stands up </span><span>and leaves the room and a part of him is glad to see she is giving them some privacy but another part wants to beg her to come back so he doesn’t have to face Eddie on his own. </span></p><p>“<span>Why?” Eddie asks, his voice calm and collected. He sits down next to him. </span></p><p>“<span>Cause I know what you were going to say.” </span></p><p>“<span>Oh you did?” Eddie asks, his tone playful. </span></p><p>“<span>And that’s okay you know.” Buck adds, ignoring his best-friend’s tone. “I know I had no right to intrude in your life like I did all this time and I’m sorry if I- If I overstepped or something I just-”</span></p><p>
  <span>Eddie sighs and sits closer to him, placing his right hand on his thigh. “Can you look at me?” </span>
</p><p>“<span>Nah I’m- I’m good.” His voice wavers and he clears his throat to pretend he just has a sore throat. That makes Eddie laugh and his best-friend moves his hand from his thigh to his cheek to turn his head to the right so he can face him. Buck keeps his eyes down. Eddie huffs out a laugh again and use his forefinger to lift his chin. </span></p><p>
  <span>Buck has no other choice but to look at him in the eyes this time. “Hi.” Eddie says with a smile so soft Buck feels like the air has been knocked out of him. “Buck I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me, alright?”</span>
</p><p>“<span>Yeah.” Buck says but his voice is so weak he can barely hear it himself. “Yeah okay.” </span></p><p>“<span>Wh</span><span>at did you mean when you said you’ve been ‘intruding’ in my life?” Eddie asks. </span></p><p>“<span>I don’t know man I just- I spend all my time with you and Christopher, sometimes I even feel like we’re- we’re living together or something and I don’t want you to think that I- I don’t want you to think that I’m overstepping and trying to take on a role that isn’t mine to fill. </span><span>I mean don’t get me wrong I love Christopher to the moon and back and trust me I would do anything for him but I just-”</span></p><p>Buck doesn’t see Eddie’s smile getting bigger at these words and closes his eyes a few seconds to catch his breath and gather his thoughts. He wants it to make sense.</p><p>“I just don’t want him to think that I’m- that I’m replacing-”</p><p>“That you’re replacing his mother.” Eddie finishes with a smile, lowering his eyes to his lap. For a few seconds, Eddie stays weirdly silent and Buck keeps replaying his words in his head, scared that he said something terribly wrong but then Eddie’s hands cups his cheeks and he can’t look anywhere else and his breath catches in his throat. “Buck you’re not overstepping. Don’t you think I would have told you if I didn’t want you in our lives?”</p><p>“<span>Well I- I guess.” Buck starts. “But I- The other day, Bobby told me I had basically been raising Christopher with you for more than a year and a half and I- He was trying to make me feel better about- about us.” He says, gesturing to the both of them with his hand. “But it actually made me freak out even more. Not that I don’t want to, I- Eddie I love your son like he was my own but I- I need to be sure that you’re not mad at me for it-”</span></p><p>“I’m not.” Eddie cuts in. “Buck I told you there’s no one I would trust more with my son than you and I meant it. I still do today. You didn’t overstep, you didn’t intrude, you did none of those things because I wanted you there this whole time. <em>He</em> wanted you there this whole time. Buck, you’re so good with him it honestly amazes me sometimes. He loves you.” Eddie goes on. “And I do, too.”</p><p>Buck swallows and clears his throat another time. “You’re an idiot, Buckley.” Eddie adds. “I love you.” He repeats. “I loved you this whole time, I was just waiting for you to catch up.”</p><p>“It took- It took me some time, huh?”</p><p>“Too damn long.” Eddie agrees, sliding his hands from his cheeks to the back of his neck. He presses his lips to Buck’s and kisses him so softly Buck is pretty sure he could break down in tears right there and now. And when Eddie pulls at his lower lip to demand access to his mouth, Buck only smiles. Because his head is quiet for now, some questions are still there and waiting to be answered but Buck’s not so worried anymore. Because he knows now.</p><p>They’ll figure it out.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it! You can scream at me on <a href="https://on-maars.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> or send me prompts if you want :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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